Betrayed by Words
My mother was a tailor
She sewed my new bluejeans
My father was a gamblin' man
Down in New Orleans
You know how sometimes you think you hear different words being sung in a song? Like, “the girl with colitis goes by” instead of “the girl with kaleidoscope eyes?”
I used to think the Bee Gees were saying “Baldheaded woman” instead of “More than a woman.”
I broke up with my first girlfriend in 1966 over something like that. She thought the Animals sang, “My mother was a tailor, sewed my new blue jeans” in The House Of The Rising Sun. I was convinced it was, “My mother was a traitor, sold my new blue jeans.” We had an argument and I called her a stupid cunt, and she dumped me.
A Small World
I mentioned to my colleague Sharon at lunch in the cafeteria that I’d been to a party at the home of one of my wife’s colleagues, and the husband of one of the people she worked with knew her, Sharon, from a previous job – small world. This reminded Sharon of a story about her ex-husband that she’d told to the husband of her ex’s sister, when she met him at a party and he told her who he was.
“It was back when guys used to moon people all the time,” she said. I’d never personally known anybody who’d done that, and we were the same age, but the way Sharon said it, everybody was doing it.
“Anyway, we were down at Murphy’s and my ex had had a few beers and decided he was going to moon our friend Mandy. I told him not to do it, but he wouldn’t listen, and so he goes up to the window, right out there on Glen Willow Ave., and he pulls down his pants and presses his butt against the window.
“But because of the heat outside and the cold air-conditioning inside, the glass shattered, and he had to go to the hospital. The doctor laughed and said he guessed my ex hadn’t been driving and drinking, at least.” Sharon shook her head. “My ex-husband’s sister’s husband hadn’t heard that story before! He said he’d have to go back and report to his wife about what her brother’d done.”
“I already knew about this. My next door neighbor’s brother was the doctor.”