Winter 2013 — THE POTOMAC

Ladies of the Night

  Paul Dickey

Ed figured he had problems. That is, until he met the beautiful Viagra who soon became his faithful wife. They were so good together from the first — candle lit dinners, a honeymoon every other night. He couldn’t believe that a woman like Viagra had fallen for him after his being on his own all these years. The research needed to find out what made him tick would have taken all that time, he supposed. No woman before had taken the time to realize his wonderful qualities as a man. They always settled for premature judgments and concluded that he wasn’t a good catch, didn’t have an intellect, or perhaps a sense of humor. Viagra had taken the time and had given him a chance. Best of all, she didn’t love him just for his mind.

Viagra however was an expensive lady and Ed was just a common guy. She liked to wear furs and low–cut, backless designer gowns. He didn’t know if he could afford candle lit dinners and the theatre so often. What if he lost his job at the insurance company? His eyes began to wander. He spotted a young lady by the magazine rack at the 7–11 who looked amazingly like Viagra. He even found her picture on the Internet and her e-mail address on a server in India. She was discrete, promised she would send her love letters marked “gloves” to get through customs.

Soon though, Ed began to fantasize about Viagra’s younger sister Levitra, a name that sounded frankly like a goddess. The grass in his neighbor’s yard did not appear to be so blue as his own. He had received several e–mails that told him that if you locked your keys in your car, Levitra could be there to pick you up in 16 minutes, whereas it took Viagra at least half an hour. But, of course, Ed didn’t know what that would be like, that is, to be with Levitra. And she too liked to go the theatre and shopping with Viagra. Ed checked the website from India. He found that there was also a picture of a woman who looked like Levitra.

The e-mails that now he was getting many, many times a day also talked about French ladies who would pick you up and take you up on the Eiffel Tower for the whole weekend. Ed started to haunt the streets at night observing other Eds and blues singers named John hanging out and injecting themselves with needles. He thought that maybe he also had gotten too far into this thing, that it would not end well for him either.

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